i never feel like you fully understand me. you really don't know a thing about me.

you think you've got me figured out. but you don't.

and i guess we never did spend enough time getting to know each other first.

maybe you wouldn't have liked what you saw. maybe you don't like what you see now.

but this is me. take it or leave it. don't tell me how to change and what to do. i know i'm flawed. but love is about loving everything about someone. even their flaws. i love(d) everything about you. but when it comes to me, the moment i am not happy, or i'm going through a difficult time, i feel like the first thing you say is say "gwen, what is wrong with you?". oh wait you did say that. it's as if you're asking me "why are you, you? stop being you because i don't like this side of you." (edit: you actually did say this right after i typed this post. wow.)

i'm dependent and weak and insecure and i worry and cry easily and i cannot handle stress well and i procrastinate and i am often unhappy about school. i am complicated and a dreamer and escapist and i think about dying frequently and i think too much. that's me. i don't need another fucking person to make me feel worse about myself by pointing out what's wrong with me. don't you know that i already know that i'm fucking screwed up? i need someone who understands, and even when he doesn't, tries to understand. wants to make me feel better. is that so hard? am i expecting alot? guess i'm still a hopeless romantic at heart. wishing for the day the right one comes to my doorstep just to tell me everything will be okay.

of course i want to change alot of things about myself, of course i want to happy. but i cannot do that when i don't feel loved for who i am. it doesn't help at all.

if you really loved someone, this would come naturally to you. i don't buy all this crap about guys needing more straightforward talk to know what you want. that's bull shit. if you truly loved someone, you wouldn't need her to say a single word.

it's disappointing really. will anyone love me for me? am i really so hard to love? true love doesn't exist.